FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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