Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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