woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
