if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
