Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Enjoy the penises
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
