My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
