my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
