i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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