Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
