Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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