Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
