Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
