oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
