Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I have aggressive nipples.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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