The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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