It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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