he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
