I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
