i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
