I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
