I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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