good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
