You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
