I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
