we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
