When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
