Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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