Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
