I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
