I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
