Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
