meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
