recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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