Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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