So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
