I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My ATM looks so different sober.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
