Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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