Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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