yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
