Umm I'm too high to move.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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