I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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