pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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