just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
