The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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