the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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