If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
