Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
