Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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