I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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