Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
