I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
