So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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