Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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