Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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