By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
