is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I love having hate sex.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm getting married
To pizza
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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