i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
