So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
