champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
